My heart is heavy tonight. Grieving the place that our country has come to. Today the lawmakers in New York decided to legalize abortion until minutes before birth. I choose to keep quiet about most things reguarding politics. I would consider myself having moderate views. I don’t feel loyal to Democrat’s or Republicans- in fact both parties make me equally sick. It is strange to be a Christian and yet have more loyalty to your political party than to love and truth. But today I cannot keep silent. I have been carrying a human life for 39 weeks tomorrow and the fact that ANYONE could consider taking the life of this child is horrifying, repugnant, & evil.

Andrew Cuomo has been fighting to pass a law overturning roe vs wade for some time now and New York’s buildings lit up in celebration of this “huge step forward” for women’s rights.

The bill seems to restrict late term abortions but has a broad “health” exemption for abortions after 24 weeks. The exemption allows for abortions up to 9 months due to “age, economic, and emotional factors”. In essence, any reason under the sun. And let’s face the music, no matter what flowery words you use- you cannot deny the “convenience” of using this method to “save” a woman’s life. There are SO many opportunities to find potential risks during a pregnancy and many opt to do a cesarean or induction as a way to prevent an issue or foreseen issue. I know personally a child who was born at 24 weeks and is a thriving, beautiful child. It is no ones right to decide who get a chance to live.

I’m sure we have all seen the quote reguarding abortion that says “I find it interesting that everyone who is pro abortion is already alive”

We should be ashamed of ourselves for numbing our consious and reconciling to ourselves that murdering a human life at ANY stage is acceptable. But this? This is a level of evil that disturbs me to the deepest level.

I pray that God has mercy on us. I know his heart is broken over the injustice of millions of his children being murdered in this modern day holocaust.

 

 

 

 

A 10 month journey

Huh You just found out you are pregnant. Wow. You are feeling so elated and surprised and shocked and nervous all at once. You are wondering how your family and friends will respond. You can’t wait to tell your husband! You are practically bursting at the seams to let it out.

Over the next 9 months, you will go through a whirlwind of emotions. The first 3 months will be very hard on you. You will be so incredibly nauseous and sick. It will take every ounce of strength you have just to get up and go to work! You will take naps in the car in between clients just to rest your body for a moment. It is a type of exhaustion that you’ve never experienced before. Its like your whole body is being drained (or maybe like you are making a human ;)). You don’t like being babied because you believe you are strong and capable, but to be honest, all you want is someone to hug you and tell you that they understand how hard it is. There are many nights where you cry yourself to sleep because you can’t imagine how you will go one more day feeling so awful. Food tastes horrible, you throw up, you faint from lack of iron, & you just don’t feel yourself at all these days. But you still wake up every morning, get dressed, and go to work. You are an amazing woman. Maybe it feels like you aren’t doing enough, but you are. You are doing an incredible job.

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but soon you will feel the fog lift. One day you will wake up and not feel so sick. You will start to feel a little bit more yourself. Soon you will have a little bump and even though it is SO small compared to what it will be, you will feel like you are huge! You will make your husband take hundreds of photos of your belly because you are just so excited that you look pregnant. The most exciting thing right now is wondering if you are having a boy or girl. Oh the dreams… laying in bed with your husband and wondering about your new future. What will he/she be like?!

Now that you have started to feel better, you look forward to planning and making lists. That is just the kind of person you are. You like to feel in control of things because that makes you feel safe. But there will be many times in the future where you will not have control. Like when you find out you have the chicken pox and you have to go to the hospital for 3 days. You don’t know if your baby is okay. They take your blood so much and do tests on your heart and chest. You feel so afraid and out of sorts. What is happening? Why is it happening to me? The anxiety begins to sneak into your mind and causes you to worry and lose sleep. In the next few weeks, you will have a very hard time. You feel anxiety attacks often. You can’t sleep because you have horrible nightmares. You imagine the worst case scenario. Every little symptom results in a frantic google search wondering what disease you have and if your baby will be okay. You are frantic about how to protect him when he’s born. You don’t even want anyone to hold him because you are just so scared of something happening! The control is slipping away from you and you don’t know how to manage it.

Please don’t do this. I wish I could hold you and beg you to stop. To take a breath. You are okay. Your baby is okay. I know it is so scary to feel like you can’t protect your child from everything that this life brings. You just want some assurance, some security. But the only security comes from trust. You aren’t crazy. You’re heart is to love your child. Your heart is the heart of a mother. And maybe it feels like people judge your feelings or don’t understand, but it’s okay. It’s okay that you struggle & it’s okay that you are wrestling with these things. These months of pregnancy are a little taste of being a parent. People forget how hard it is to go from being a free woman, to being a mother in just 9 short months. For some, it is an easier transition. For others, it’s more challenging.

But just know, the hormones and anxiety will start to fade. Through the worries and restless nights, you will begin to develop your trust in yourself. You will begin to believe that God entrusted this baby to you for a reason. That you are enough. That you have what it takes to grow and raise a human being.

I’m almost on the other side of this 10 month journey now. I’m days away from having the boy of my dreams. I’ve given him my heart, my body, my soul, my everything. He has every part of me and he doesn’t even know it. I would die for him in a second. I would do absolutely anything to give him the best shot at life. Growing him has broken me and build me back up again.

Nicole, you are strong. There is nothing you cannot handle. You don’t know everything and you never will. Put down the books and the computer, drown out the opinions and judgments of others. Stop questioning and second guessing yourself. When all is said and done, you will do the best you can & trust in God to take care of the millions of things you CAN. NOT. CONTROL.

You are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Believe in yourself and enjoy it.

And in case no one tells you, Good job. You did amazing. You made it! You made it through your first pregnancy. You will kick so much ass in labor and parenthood. I’m proud of you. A new chapter begins. One where you are a mother to Benjamin Grey Durnwald. You’ve got this.

Maternity pictures

It’s been a little quiet around the blog and it’s because we have been SO busy growing a BABY!

These last 7 months have been a whirlwind- some good and some challenging.

We cant believe our little baby boy is arriving in just 8 weeks or less!

We took our maternity pictures a couple of weeks ago and even thought it was 30 degrees, we love how they came out! 2B740B3C-22E2-49D3-9B73-8D09C6AEF3A98AFC72BD-52D6-4324-8BCF-36757B29853528AB49C3-BAD6-44EB-B0C2-0AA12B682FAA16364502-EB50-46E5-9834-2DFBFFF0DBB4866425E0-4C6F-4F9E-A857-6BA2D8CA182B0904B022-FEA9-49F9-82B1-E2AB652D76C902FC40AF-5414-489D-99CD-FC74D3C693FA376D0A61-32E1-4B14-BBD9-08C2FA9188A8CBA87B6F-A3A8-48FA-811A-E35849620B63E9FCA73D-6F33-49EE-9482-0E8258421860B8586559-345F-45F9-B396-395CDEFA33B4BECEB36C-94D7-4355-96EB-78CF4A0F0AC1372B387C-658A-401A-AEF7-38A719EFC590652935DE-BF1F-42B0-8EC1-F7BF9FD1E5EEBCF3C4D8-4BC6-4381-AB1A-AFAA7F824EA1299EAF5B-3599-4673-85D7-12D65A243CEDDF4103CD-5278-4E17-A72F-EE0182C53C4BB6E6526C-C20D-4A86-B059-60C454677B3A

Christmas

6968B17E-F058-4DC1-908C-958423C2D2A0D37C6D23-2490-447F-A402-277A5CD730ACFCBCB10A-F6C7-4339-9D44-628D58AB9585DF8E156F-F87F-407F-B337-0F7FB49A3B0BD45DDF73-D4CD-4CA7-8442-06FEBF1BE44DB9100B90-2D8A-4692-8465-A349C0E5327AI will be 35 weeks pregnant this Christmas! And my family is coming all the way from California! I absolutely love Christmas and I am so excited. This is our last Christmas just Luke and I, definitely bittersweet. I also attached some photos from our family Christmas session that we organized this year.

4D4C7577-31A8-445C-B9CB-0851DB5064ED6E7885DA-F967-4618-AA04-B1B991595520Processed with VSCO with m5 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 preset0092DBD4-CF02-4BA8-AD52-1611DF543E3B

Park day

We love family days just chilling and hanging out. I always joke about Luke being so pale so he immediately started sunbathing and kept asking “am I tan yet” every couple minutes- haha! Calvin LOVES people and kept crying because there was a child’s party going on and he wanted to hang out with them. Our little social butterfly. We are so excited for summer! Processed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 preset

Charleston

Processed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 preset

Charleston STOLE our hearts. Luke surprised me for our anniversary and planned the whole thing himself (very impressed!)

Here is what we did:

We drove after work on Saturday and got in about 9pm. We dropped off our bags and checked in and headed to dinner at Fleet Landing. It was absolutely DELICIOUS.

On Sunday morning we bought tickets to the Ft. Sumpter Ferry Tour. It was so incredibly cold and we didn’t check the weather when we packed so we were freezing. But it was really cool to see where the Civil War started and its humbling to walk the ground that has so much history. Processed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetAfter the tour, we went to brunch at Prohibition. If you are going to Charleston for the weekend, I would recommend making reservations for every meal ahead of time. They get booked up super quick! The food was delicious (as every meal was) After brunch we walked around historic King Street and did some window shopping before our play at Dock Street Theatre. This theatre was built in 1736, isn’t that crazy?! We saw “Shakespeare in Love”.

Processed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 preset

Processed with VSCO with b1 presetProcessed with VSCO with b1 presetProcessed with VSCO with b1 preset

For dinner we went to Charleston Crab House. We ordered $60 of crab, lobster, and shrimp and it was worth every penny. Give me butter to dip something in and I am a happy girl.

Our last morning we went to Basic Kitchen. It was a simple but yummy breakfast with lots of healthy options which I loved. Luke wasn’t that happy about his tiny burrito (HAHA)

Processed with VSCO with a4 presetProcessed with VSCO with a4 preset

We would totally recommend going to Charleston at some point, especially when its warm out. It is so much fun to walk the historic streets, eat delicious food, and feel like you are back in time. Have you ever been? What is your favorite thing to do?

2 Year Anniversary

Processed with VSCO with b1 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 presetProcessed with VSCO with b1 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 presetProcessed with VSCO with m5 preset

T W O Y E A R S !!! We’ve truly made it. Jk. But in all seriousness I’ve dreamed of being married since I was 14. I started writing letters to my future husband and I was completely obsessed with all things romance, weddings, & love. I always wished that people were more honest about what marriage is really like. And I know that I’m usually a pretty private person (not) but this year was hard as hell. I mean there were days I wanted to blow luke up. There were days I didn’t think I could do it. BUT we did!!! We made it through some tough stuff in year two and that’s what makes celebrating our anniversary that much more exciting. Marriage is sharing a level of intimacy with someone that is so deep and all consuming that sometimes it’s overwhelming. The thing is that when you are in the midst of a tough time, it like it’s all you can see. And then when you make the decision to hold hands and choose each other, something absolutely magnificent happens. And that CHOICE is the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s not flowers or chocolates, it’s looking at your partner everyday and choosing them. Choosing to love, respect, and fight for them every day for the rest of your life. Two years ago, we stood on a beach in front of those we love and said the words “I choose you today” and I’m proud to say that we’ve said them everyday since. Through it all babe, I choose you. Thanks for being my husband, I love you more today than I did on that beach!